A Demented Night at the Cullen's
by BluvsE4everandever-xoxo
Summary: Bella goes to the Cullen's for a girl's only sleep over. Whathappenswhen... COOKIES,PILLOWFIGHTSAND,EMMETTLOL OCCUR? Crazy things happen..BTW: reviews are my crack or as Twilight lovers would prefer me to say My Brand Of Heroin. FEED MY ADDICTION!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: ok, this is my first comedy fan fic, so don't kill me. Sorry if everyone is ooc.**

SLUMBER PARTY!!!!!!!

Narrator (Me): It was a dark and stormy night, when Alice asked Bella to come to a slumber par…

Objective resource (me answering myself back to make it funny): Was not, it was after Bella had dinner, and she did not ask Bella, she asked Charlie, and forced Bella…

Narrator: Fine. Whatever.

Anyways, so Bella ended up at the Cullen's, for a No Boys Allowed slumber (no pun intended, cuz ya know vampires don't sleep…) party with Alice, and Gasp Rosalie (who promised to be nice, because I said so, and because Alice made her pinky swear!!!!!)

O.K. so Bella ate dinner and got there at 5 p.m., for the slumber party. She drove herself to the Cullen's house in her truck, and was greeted instantly upon arriving by Alice and a surprisingly friendly Rosalie. They escorted her to a room recently added onto the Cullen house, like a living room with a big squishy sofa, 2 bean bag chairs, lots of pillows all over the floor, a stack of DVD's rented from Blockbuster by Alice, and some Coke (for Bella to keep her up all night from the caffeine.)

Bella dropped her duffel bag full of her pajamas and other necessities in the corner of the room, and plopped onto the couch.

"Bella, which DVD do you want to watch?" asked Alice.

"Ummm, what do we have", asked Bella

"Superman returns, Talladega Nights, 13 going on 30, Uptown Girls, A Cinderella Sto-"

There was a knock on the door, and the younger Cullen men (Edward, Jasper, and Emmett) peeked in.

"Can we come to the slumber party pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeee, can we can we, can we can we?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett whined.

"NO" shouted Alice and Rosalie in harmony.

"Why," asked Emmet, "I really wanted some of the coke too, darn it!"

"But Emmet, you don't drink coke" Said Jasper

"That's because nobody will let me!" Emmett pouted.

"You can't drink coke, because you are a vampire," Edward pointed out.

"Can too"

"Can not"

"Can too"

"Can not"

"Can too"

"Can not"

"Too"

"Not"

"Too"

"Not"

"Shut up!" Rosalie yelled, "Emmett, how many times have I told you, coke is for humans, not vampires"

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Emmett wailed tearlessly "The mean lady yelled at me"

"Emmet, I'm your wife!"

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Well you're still mean!"

"This is pointless", Rosalie said with a sigh. "You can come back later…"

"Really?" The boys asked

"Really," Rosalie answered, "If you dare to face the consequences"

**Authors note: ok, so I think it was kind of funny, but some constructive criticism would be nice (but not TOO mean ok?), or if you lied it and don't want to criticize. Either way I'll only know if you review. See, it's a nice little chain of events really:**

**I get a lot of reviews :)**

**I update soon.**

**I don't get a lot of reviews, I don't : ( , and you'll never know what happens next.**

**So click the pretty little lavender review button, if you ever want to know what happens next**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: ok, I got a lot of good input, and that makes me feel good about myself, so I'm adding another chapter.**

**Disclaimer: So yesterday, I was talking to Stephenie Meyer, and I asaid, you know you should give me the book Twilight…, and then she was like OKAY!!!! (Not really, she said no, it's MY precious!!!!! pet pet precious..)OK, fine it didn't happen, but it would've been nice…**

**The Plan**

"_If you dare to face the consequences"_

Edward:gulp

Jasper:gulp

Emmett: "Gulping noise"

Everyone turned to stare at Emmett

"What?" he asked, "Everyone else made a noise, and I can't make that noise, so I did the next best thing"

"You're weird." Bella said, stating the obvious

"Nobody understands me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett wailed, "Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Emmett, I was only kiddi-"

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

"Emmett, Shut-Up!" exclaimed Rosalie

"Fine! I hate all of you! I'm running away from home!!!!!" Emmett yelled

"But-", Said Rosalie

"NO!" Emmett shouted, and then ran away.

"What's his problem?" asked Bella

"Don't ask" said Edward

"Okay. Now go away" said Bella

Edward and Jasper left.

"OK, let's watch a movie" said Alice

"Ooh, I wanna watch Superman!" exclaimed Bella.

Alice got the DVD and put it in the DVD player.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1 Hour Later

Alice suddenly closed her eyes. Then she froze, and her face went blank. After a moment, she opened her eyes.

"What is it?" Rosalie asked

"I had a vision. The boys are planning on crashing." Alice replied

"Well, I guess they do want to know what the consequences will be." said Rosalie, "But I didn't really think of what the consequences would be…"

"I have an idea…" said Bella.

5 minutes later

Jasper was walking down the hallway, when suddenly, he was thrown into the wall.

"Alice, what are you doing?" he asked

"I had a vision that you and the others were going to crash" Alice said

"Oh" said Jasper

"So here's the plan, you need to use your power to make them…" Alice started explaining.

**Authors Note: I have the next chapter written… you want it???? Click the button, and you'll get it! Good doggy!**

**If you review, I'll give you the next chapter…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note: Ok so this chapter is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Or at least funny…)**

**Disclaimer: There was an author, had a book and Twilight was its name-o**

**T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T**

**T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T**

**T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T**

**And the author was Stephenie Meyer!!!**

**(Not me)**

**Everybody Dance Now!!!**

"Okay Alice is the Karaoke machine in place?" called Bella

"Yes" Alice answered, "In three-two-one-"

The boys and Carlisle came bursting into the room

"I thought you were going to run away Emmett" said Rosalie

"I know, but then I got hungry, and there weren't any French fries"

"But Emmett, you don't eat French fries!" Everyone else yelled

"I do too!"

"Oh, not again" Edward sighed.

"Anyways, WE DEMAND ADMITTANCE INTO YOU SLUMBER PARTY!!!!" Carlisle said.

"Why are you crashing too Carlisle???" asked Rosalie

"Because I was bored, and I have the day off today."

"Oh. Well, you can share punishment with Edward and Emmett" Bella said

"Why doesn't Jasper get punished??????" Emmett asked

"Because he's our… Accomplice!!!!!!!" Alice said

"What are you going to do to us?????" Edward asked

"You'll see…"

"Jasper, can you bring in the chairs and the super strong can'tbebrokenthroughbyavampire rope." said Rosalie

"Okay" said Jasper

I'll go get the make-up and the dresses" said Alice

"Ahhhhhhhhhh, no" they all screamed.

They tried to run away, but found themselves captive in chairs, because of Jasper's SUPER VAMPIRE STRENGTH and SPEED!!!! They all felt a wave of calm over them, and didn't feel like running away anymore.

20 Minutes Later

The boys had endured 20 whole minutes of primping and pampering, and had even been stuffed into prom dresses (spaghetti strap, silk with kind of stripy thing and … just go to my frikkin profile, and see the link. )

"OK", Alice gleefully shrieked, "Its karaoke time!!!!"

"No!!!" they yelled

"Carlisle, your first." said Alice

"I don't really think tha- " started Carlisle

"NO, you came, you must suffer!" exclaimed Rosalie

"Fine", said Carlisle as he stalked to the recently assembled stage at the front of the room.

He took a deep, unnecessary breath and started singing:

First I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

Without you by my side

But I spent so many nights

Thinking how you did me wrong

I grew strong

I learned how to carry on

And so you're back

From outer space

I just walked in to find you here

With that sad look upon your face

I should have changed my stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

You'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door

Just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

You think I'd crumble

You think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I

I will survive

As long as I know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive

I will survive

It took all the strength I had

Not to fall apart

Kept trying hard to mend

The pieces of my broken heart

And I spent oh so many nights

Just feeling sorry for myself

I used to cry

Now I hold my head up high

And you see me

Somebody new

I'm not that chained up little person

Still in love with you

And so you felt like dropping in

And just expect me to be free

Now I'm saving all my loving

For someone who's loving me

Everyone laughed, except for those in the room who knew it was their turn soon.

"OK Edward", said Bella

Edward slowly got up on the stage, and after shooting daggers at the girls with his eyes, and choking on nothing when he saw which song he would sing, started singing:

Everybody Dance now ...

Everybody Dance now ...

Give me the music

Give me the music

Everybody Dance now ...

Everybody Dance now ...

Yeah ... Yeah ... Yeah

Everybody Dance now ...

Yeah ... Yeah ... Yeah

Everybody Dance now ...

rap by Freedom Williams

Here is the doe, back with the bass

The jam is live in effect and I don't waste time

Or the mike if it don't rhyme

Jump to the rhythm jump jump to the rhythm jump

And I'm here to provide

Peace and lyrics to make your shake your pants

Take a chance, come on and dance

Guys grab a girl, don't wait, make a whirl

It's your world and I'm just a swirl

Trying to get a nut to move your butt

To the dance floor, so yo what's up

Hands in the air, Come on say yeah,

everybody over here everybody over there

the crowd is live and I feel this groove

Party people in the house

Move ... (Let your mind)

Move ... (Put me online)

(Chorus)

Come on let's sweat, baby

Let the music take control

Let the rhythm move you

Sweat, sweat

Let the music take control

Let the rhythm move you

Everybody dance now ...

Da da da da

da da da da

da da da da, da da da

da da da da, da da da

la da da da

la da da da

dum da dum da dum

everybody dance now

Pause take a breath go for yours

On my command now hit the dance floors

I'm gonna make you sweat till you bleed

Is that ... enough, indeed

I pay the price, control the dice

I'm more precise, to a point I'm nice

The music takes control, your heart and soul

Oh, your body is free and a whole

Dance till you can't dance

Till you can't dance no more

Get on the floor and get warm

Then come back and upside down

Easy now, let me see ya

Move ... (Let your mind)

Move ... (Put me online)

The music is my life ...

everybody dance now ...

everybody dance now ...

everybody dance now ...

everybody ...

The girls were laughing their evil laughs

"Ok Emmett, it's your turn…" said Bella

"Yay!!!!!" Emmett screamed as he eagerly jumped up onto the stage

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco

They want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my photo

You can see me, you can't squeeze me

I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy

I got reasons why I tease 'em

Boys just come and go like seasons

Fergalicious (Fergalicious)

But I ain't promiscuous

And if you was suspicious

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)

That puts them boys on rock, rock

And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot, hot)

So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)

So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)

Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def-, Fergalicious def- def fading echo

Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy

They always claim they know me

Comin' to me call me Stacy (Hey Stacy)

I'm the F to the E, R, G the I the E

And can't no other lady put it down like me

I'm Fergalicious (so delicious)

My body stay vicious

I be up in the gym just working on my fitness

He's my witness (oooh wee)

I put yo' boy on rock rock

And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (It's hot, hot)

So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)

So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)

Fergalicious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby

If you really want me

Honey get some patience

Maybe then you'll get a taste

I'll be tasty, tasty, I'll be laced with lacey

It's so tasty, tasty, it'll make you crazy

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

All the time I turn around always brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my

(uuhh)

I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up drama little mama I don't wanna take your man

And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it

But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele

Cuz' they say she

Delicious (So delicious)

But I ain't promiscuous

And if you was suspicious

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)

That puts them boys on rock, rock

And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (got, got, got)

Four, tres, two, uno

My body stay vicious

I be up in the gym just working on my fitness

He's my witness (oooh wee)

I put yo' boy on rock rock

And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t tasty, tasty

It's so delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

So delicious (aye, aye, aye, aye)

I'm Fergalicious, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t (aye, aye, aye, aye)

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the (four, tres, two, uno)

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty, T to the A, to the, four, tres, two, uno

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the L I C I O U S to the

D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, to the, to the...

Everyone was rolling on the floor, clutching their sides. Bella was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face

"What?" asked Emmett, "You're all just jealous that I'm so fabulous"

They laughed harder.

"Whatever, not everyone can be a… SUPERSTAR!!!" Emmett shouted as he crouched down and did the sign language sign for 'I Love You'.

"Oh-ha-kay its tihhahahahame fahahahahahaor thhahae finahahahahlhahale" Alice tried to say through he laughter (ok, its time for the finale)

**Authors Note: What song is it gonna be? The world may never know…. Unless I get some good reviews…**


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Sorry I haven't updated in long guys, but I have been busy with all of the homework I have and the stupid black history month project (sorry if that offends people, but I mean, who cares? It is not like there's an Asian history month or a Hispanic history month is there? Besides, they are not the only minority discriminated against during the before the Civil Rights Movement, now were they? Besides, it's for frikkin health class, and Black History has nothing to do with health class)

OK, enough ranting

**The Finale **

**Disclaimer: **

Edward: Do I have to?

Me: Yes

Edward: But I don't wanna!

Me: Sigh the sooner you read it, the sooner you can get back to Bella… unless you want to be my slave 4ever.

Edward: Fine clears throat BluvsE4everandever-xoxo does not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of Stephenie Meyer's characters turns to me is that good?

Me: No and…

Edward: And… Is not crazy, and does not need to be put in a mental asylum.

Me: Good, now you may go

Edward:says nothing because-he's-running-as-fast-as-he-can-to-get-the-hell-outta-here

"_Oh-ha-kay its tihhahahahame fahahahahahaor thhahae finahahahahlhahale" Alice tried to say through he laughter (ok, its time for the finale)_

Alice suddenly stopped laughing, and felt calmer. "OK, so your final song is… DREAMGIRLS!!!!"

"Yes!" Shouted Emmett, "I LOVE that song. I wanna be Deena!!!"

"Um, ok, no you have to be Lorrell" said Bella.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwww" Whined Emmett

"Just go, or you can't sing at all!" threatened Alice

Edward: Every man has his own special dream, and your dreams' just about to come true.   
Life's not as bad as it may seem if you  
open your eyes to what's in front of you.  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys we'll make ya happy...yeah!  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys, we'll always care  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you.  
Edward -No, no and all you've got to do is dream, baby...  
ALL- We'll be there. Dream!  
Edward -Dreamgirls will help you through the night!

ALL: Dream  
Edward -Dreamgirls will make you feel all right.  
Emmett- Dreamgirls keep you dreaming your whole life through.  
Carlisle- Yes dreamgirls can make your dreams come true.  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys we'll make ya happy...yeah!  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys, we'll always care  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you.  
Edward -No, no and all you've got to do is dream, baby...  
ALL-We'll be there. Dream!   
Edward -Dreamgirls will help you to survive.  
ALL-Dream  
Edward -Dreamgirls keep your fantasies alive!  
Carlisle-Dreamgirls always love you and they'll be true!  
Emmett-Yes, dreamgirls can only make love to you.  
Edward -I'm not the dream that you've had before;   
I'm the dream that'll give you more and more.  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys we'll make ya happy...yeah!  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls  
Edward: Boys, we'll always care  
ALL: We're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you.  
Edward - and all you've got to do is dream, all you got to do is dream baby...  
ALL-We'll be there. Dream!

"I'll be here all week!" shouted Emmett gleefully, "I owe it all to my adoring fans!"

"OK, no get out all of you!!!!" Shouted Rosalie

"I don't wanna leave!" pouted Emmett

"Emmett" Rosalie said, reprimanding her husband

"Fine!" said Emmett, "I NEVER get what I want!!!"

"OK, that's it!" said Esme, suddenly appearing in the doorway, "To your room now Emmett. AND MARCH!!!!"

"Yes ma'am" said Emmett

Authors note: Ok so that's it 4 now cuz I couldn't think of anything else, but I'll think of something later. Besides, im gonna write another fanfic that is not comedy, and I wanna get started.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note: I luv random stuffs!! Yay llamas!! kk… so what next… oh ya!!!! Ummmm………….kk, im gonna add sumthing 4rm the book maximum ride in this chapter, and if u haven't read it, then f u!!!!!!!!!(loljk)

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight… or maximum ride… or new moon.., but I do own u!!! hahahh lol. Ok fine sorry… but I do own… BELLA SWAN!!! Oh nvm, I own my dog whos name is Bella, but its an honest mistake… but man that sux, cuz if I owned Bella, I could make her give me Edward… but, alas, the world is cruel, and I cant steal other ppls work... or lives sigh I mean doesn't that suck? Gosh world, thanx 4 kickin me when I down…

World: YOUR WELCOME!!!!!

ME: so ya, ON TO THE STORY!!!!

Emmett stomped off grumpily to his room. The Esme had an idea.

"Let's make some chocolate chip cookies! Then Bella can eat them, and be hyper, and stay up all night with y'all!!!!!" Said Esme.

"Sure" said Alice

"OK" Replied Esme

Five seconds later, Esme and Rosalie had run down stairs, and Alice had run carrying Bella, because she was to slow for the SUPERSPEEDY vampires.

Esme took out all of the necessary supplies for making chocolate chip cookies.

2 minutes later, Esme was done mixing all the ingredients using her vampire SUPERSPEED, so the cookies were sitting in the oven.

"GOSH! Can't this stove cook the cookies any faster!!! OMFG! Im so bored" Said Rosalie.

20 minutes later

The cookies were done.

After they cooled, Bella took one and took a bite out of it. ""Mmm! These are the yummiest home-made cookies I've ever tasted!!!!!" Bella yelled

Suddenly, a flock of about six bird-ppl-children-things cam crashing through the ceiling!

"OK", Yelled Maximum Ride, "Hand over the cookies!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Bella. Then she picked up two more cookies, and as she lovingly cradled them in her arms, she added "my Precious", in a whisper. "NO, you can not have my precious cookies, for they are mine!!!"petpet

"OH YA?"

"YA"

"NOWAI"

"YAWAI"

"NOWAI"

"YAWAI"

"NO"

"YA"

"NO"

"Yes they r mine!!!" said Bella

"No I will steal them!!!!" Said Max

"NO! not my babies!!!!!! I will sue you!!!!!"

MINS L8ER…

They were in the living room in "Court"

Esme was the judge, and Alice was Bella's Lawyer. Fang was Max's lawyer. Everybody else (Nudge, Iggy, Gasman or cough cough-captain terror-coughcough-notCOUGHCOUGH!!!, Angel, and Rosalie watched)

I think im forgetting something…

OH YA RIGHT!!!!!

The boys were all locked in a closet, tied up in chairs

Kk, anyways…

"Order in the court!" shouted Esme

"But nobody was talking-" started Bella

"I said SILENCE!"

"Fine, sheesh"

"Maximum Ride is being sued for trying to steal the cookies" said Esme

"My babies! My poor, poor babies" said Bella in a southern accent, "Ah was just a-sitting on the front porch in mah pale southern belle dress with that wonderful hoop skirt there a-sipping mah iced tea while watching the cotton field, and before Ah knew it, and she and the union's army just stole them!!! Mah poor babies! They are so scared of them damn Yankees!"

(A/N: No offense to southern ppls, b/c I am southern myself, and I was bored, and I'm reading gone with the wing, and I couldn't resist)

"I see" said Esme, "Has the jury come to a decision yet?"

"But there is no jury-" started Max

"Order in the courtroom!!!! _I _am the JURY!!!" Said Esme!

"Yes, the jury has decided that Bella receives custody of the children, and that Maximum Ride is sentenced to life in prison on account of being charged with manslaughter, with no bail." Said the "Jury"

"But- but-" said Max, "Alright, I did it. And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling kids!!!"

"To jail with all of you!!!"

"But…" started Fang

"NO Buts!!!" Shouted Esme, "To jail with you!!!!!"

"Fine", said Fang.

Then they(by they I mean the mutant freaks… I mean avian americans cough not coughcough they cough are cpugh are cough freaks coughcough cept for fang, cuz if things don't work out b/w me and Edward...) all ran out of the room and back through where they mad a hole in the ceiling, but not before…

"Hey!!!" said Max

"What"- Me

"Back Off he's mine!!!" she shouted!!!

"But I thought that, I didn't say it"

"I Know" said Max. "But Angel told me."

"OMIGOD!!!! She can read minds!!!! Y'all are bigger freaks that I thought!!!!!"

And then they left

"Hey!" Shouted Edward, having suddenly broken free from his bonds to the chair, " Mind Readers are not freaks!!!!! Oh and, I heard thet too, and I would never leave Bella for you, you-"

"You are getting veeeeeeeeery sleeeeeeepy. Veeeeeeeeery Sleeeeeeepy… Youuuuuu Will awake and leave Bella for me when I say…Rabid Albino Guinea Pig"-Me, while holding and swinging my necklace back and forth

"RABID ALBINO GUINEA PIG"

"Sexy, Beautiful, Gorgeous…" he trailed off, saying sexually suggestive thing about me (lol, sorry, I had to do it) then he turned to Bella and said, "Babe, things are never gonna work out between us, so I'm breaking up with you" then he ran towards me and kissed me on the lips, but, no, then, stupid Bella had to smack him in the head.

That ended the trance, and he growled at me. Then I ran out the door and followed the bird freaks running on the ground screaming "I LOVE YOU FANG!!!!!!!"


End file.
